are you crapping me???

topher is now in a big boy bed after a ridiculous incident when chris went to check on him in the middle of the night and he was climbed half-way out of his crib. ugh. i knew this day was going to come, but i was kinda hoping it was going to be when we were back into a house, and topher was like 5. he's been getting up twice a night, and we have been resolute to get up and put him back into his own bed every time. it's exhausting. and i could lock him in his room, cause i know that works really well for lots of people, but of course topher is kinda sick right now, so locking him up is not an option. at least not for this moment.

i don't know what topher is sick with right now. it's like a terrifying mix of insomniatic pms plus the flu. he's not really an insomniac. he is sleeping. but he wakes up so much that i guess i feel like the insomniac. and he doesn't have the flu. he just occassionally has a fever. and he doesn't have pms. he's just really moody and only wants to eat sweets.

so yesterday we had a GREAT morning. even though we had a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE night. we went to the zoo with our friends samantha and leila. i will have to post pics later. then the kids took a nap in the car and we went to chandler mall to play in the kids' play area and eat and look around. it was a pretty kid-centered day! we got home at 3ish and just hung out in front of the tv. i suddenly remembered that my wonderful photographer friend jenny, who took the kids' pics on tuesday, said she might post some pics of the kids. (i will post those soon!) so i went to my room to check it out. we have a laptop in the living room, but it's kinda slow. and i was going to be real quick. but of course, i was not quick enough, though i was out of the room for 3 minutes. THREE MINUTES.

i come back into the living room to find topher standing in front of the entertainment center smearing something on the top of it. i did the quickest assessment i could of the situation and deducted that he was smearing his own feces on our wonderful ikea furniture. this was deduced by the odor, the small serving of soft serve poop on the carpet, and topher saying 'poopoo!'. are you crapping me kid?!?!?

i picked topher up, yelled at lily not to touch ANYTHING or go near anywhere, and went straight for the bathtub. topher was wearing a diaper, but was squatting while watching tv, not leaving enough room for his excrements to fill the diaper, only allowing it to overflow out the back of the diaper, onto his pants and the back of his shirt, which in turn landed on the carpet, which of course he stepped in, and eventually got on his hands, which is when i found him, defiling our furniture.

i sat on the edge of the tub, and proceeded to undress the dirtiest kid in the universe, very carefully. sure there was dung everywhere, but there didn't need to be dung in his hair. cause kaka in hair is supergross. i washed his hands first. then his backside. and this was no ordinary excrement folks. it was like mortar. i could have built a fine, yet stinky brick wall with this stuff. most of it i was trying to get off of my hands, and down the drain, some of it i tried to put in the toilet, cause that's where poo belongs- IN THE TOILET. are you listening to me topher!?!?! (this wasn't really his fault. he was wearing a diaper. i don't know who to blame for this right now, but when i figure it out, that person is going to get an earfull. though i have a sinking feeling that this is partially my own fault.) then i washed his feet, cause his heels were covered in the stuff. i was amazed at 1.how he could have made such an insane mess in such a short time. and 2.how his beautiful little body could have produced such foulness. and 3.how i had yet another poo-related story to blog about.

lily was very good during this whole ordeal. she came over and sat on the edge of the tub with me. it was a little dangerous (cause it's the side of the tub, and cause there was crap everywhere.) but very sweet. she was a great support with all her head shaking in dismay, and "eww. gross topher."s.

i feel like a first-time mom these days. really tired, and surrounded by explosive excrements. it's all a labor of love though- the waking up in the middle of the night, and the getting tons of poo on my hands, and the shampooing of the carpet once again. and i just have to remind myself of that. and boy will i remind topher of all this! probably when he's older. and probably in front of a girl he likes, and a bunch of his guy friends.