i can't see the keys

i am typing on a very well-loved/well-used keyboard at my father-in-laws house right now. it is so well-used that a lot of the letters have rubbed off of the keys and gone to the place where often-used letters go to rest... and all this is fine because i don't look at the keys on the keyboard while i type anymore anyway...

i think i had my first typing class in the 3rd grade. maybe even before then. that was over twenty years ago!!!! (depression at the thought.) i've been through high school and college, having been a serious computer-user. i know where the letters are on the keyboard. and even having been a bookkeeper for the last five years, i am pretty dang good at the ten-keys all the way to the right of the keyboard. so much so that it messes me up a bit when i am actually dialing a phone number in my phone (cause the numbers are in kind-of reverse order.)

anyway, i know keyboards. they are pretty much all the same. i am a big girl now, i don't need to look to see where the letters are. except when they're not there...

i actually have made more typos on this keyboard than any other keyboard i have used in a long long time. the 'c' and 'v' and 'n' and 'm' are not to be seen on this keyboard at all. and this has messed me up in a big way this week. i've written a lot of 'ecem thoughs' (even though...) and 'bevause i meed nore nilk.' (because i need more milk. ok. that's not a sentence i have ever tried to write before, but you get my point.)

anyhow, i think this is all so amusing in light of my new hobby of trying to find God in everything. and it's not hard once you start looking. you just have to make the effort to start.

my sudden inabililty to do something that i have been doing for a very long time, just because visibility is at an all time low, translates into my faith life. i am cruising along with Jesus when times are good, but when things get a little hazy over yonder and i'm not sure where God is taking me, i suddenly seem to think He has disappeared altogether. it's like when Peter was walking on the water, going to Jesus. but once he looked down at the water and lost sight of the Lord, he began to sink. and i don't know if you are a judgemental christian like i am, but everytime i read a story about Peter, i just shake my head and think 'oh Peter, you idiot. i NEVER would have done that, had i been walking and talking with Jesus in the flesh!' but what does that say about my relationship with Jesus now? that it's not as strong as it would be had i lived 2000+ years ago? just because i haven't seen Jesus in the flesh, does that make him less real? and just cause i can't see where he is taking me, does that mean he has left me? or you? surely not. why am i so reliant on being able to see things? even when i KNOW that they are there? cvnm... cvnm... cvnm...

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29

God is so good that he loves me desppite my weaknesses/lack of faith! he reveals himself to me when i am walking through the fog every time. he is so good. i am so weak.

"Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." John 20: 30-31